The stories we tell: Social media as narrative psychology

Every man invents a story for himself – which he often, and with great cost to himself – takes to be his life. ~Max Frisch, 1972

Our stories define for us meaning and identity, or so proposes the viewpoint of narrative psychology.  This is something to consider as we share our lives in the open forum of social media.

The power of the story

Our stories are powerful.  Through our stories we say who we are, define personal meaning, understand our place in society, and establish organisational and societal culture.  Research proves this process of recollection is critical for personal growth by helping us learn better, develop expertise, and achieve better outcomes:

• Ever considered keeping a diary? Individuals who document events through journals or other structured reflective process have a greater capacity for critical analysis and higher performance in learning outcomes.
• Want to become an expert? Expertise is developed in ourselves and others through establishing patterns in our story telling.
• Is your story about running away from something or moving towards something? Those who share stories of life changing events with an emphasis on moving towards a desired state rather than away from discontent report higher well being and better decision outcomes.

The three perspectives to change… or not

Telling our stories serves two purposes: we solidify our position; or we justify change.

Think about your conversations this week in which you were the main actor in the story.  As you shared, you experienced emotions from three perspectives:

• First perspective –recollection: You experienced a shadow of emotions you felt from the original event (anger, happiness, fear, humour);
• Second perspective – the observer: You experienced perceived emotions from the other person you were telling the story to; and
• Third perspective – additional self-talk: You added new positive or negative reinforcing emotions to support your position based on the observer’s feedback and your own impression.

Through the last two perspectives, we can actually reprogram the stories we tell ourselves that create our self-perception.

Telling a story about some social faux pas?  You may heap condemnation on yourself as you think about the events and reinforce your position as a bad person, or you could pass it off as a funny learning experience and promote a position of resilience.  Sharing about a personal success? You may find yourself telling the story to those who will support you in a new career move or reinforce your current career decision.

Social media as narrative psychology

Social media makes it easy to tell our story.  It also makes the three perspectives visible as we post life events through Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Google+, LinkedIn, WordPress, Blogger, Tumblr, MySpace, and Foursquare.

Our recollection is shared through our initial posts.  We get feedback from the observer through comments from others.  We then make the third perspective of our self talk visible in our responses and ongoing dialogue through the channel.

Narrative psychology considers these three perspectives as a framework to define and develop meaning and identity from our stories.  Through our stories, we address questions such as:

• Who am I?
• To whom do I belong?
• What is my role and purpose here?
• Why are things the way they are and why do I do what I do?
• How do I decide what is right, what is important?

Social media makes our stories transparent, which is not always a good thing.  Consider the girls who posted pictures of themselves on MySpace bathing in a sink at KFC or Anthony Weiner who had his hidden stories exposed, and responded with a false story before coming clean.  These examples and many more show how observer feedback can overpower or expose your own self talk about who you are, your purpose, and other questions of meaning and identity.

If you are active in social media, take a look at the sum of your posts.  What is the story you are telling?  Do the comments of others validate your position?  Do your responses support your position or do you find you adjust your identity to satisfy your audience? Would simply telling the story be enough to change who you are?

I will admit to receiving blank stares when I mention an interest in narrative psychology in my social media circles.  I could take that as feedback to change my story.  Based on the approach above, I suppose it all depends on my response.

Perhaps we let the comments below, or lack thereof, prove the point?